A Holy High Five

 

It was one of those Sundays where I stood in the narthex in what I’ve come to describe as my “post-preaching daze”—a state of mind in which the adrenaline of the preaching high wears off and I stand there shaking hands while all the time thinking about the following: how the end of the sermon could have ended differently, was the point I was trying to make made, did I really put the Holy Spirit before Jesus once again in my trinitarian benediction and, more importantly, where’s the nearest cup of coffee because, boy, I can use some right now.

On this particular Sunday, though, in my post-preaching daze, I wondered about something else. I wondered where the Spirit was moving among us, because sometimes, just sometimes, God seems to remain silent when you really want to know if what you are doing makes a difference.

So there I stood in my post-preaching daze not expecting much in terms of getting a divine pat on the back or even a holy high five, when two boys came running in from where church school had just been let out. As they made their way over to me I could see they were very excited about something.

Jack, and his younger brother, Tyler, had something in their hands. As they got closer I could see they were holding the white plastic tops to one of those dollar store boxes. Before I could even venture a guess as to what this was all about, they showed me. On the inside of the white lid, in blue marker, was a tracing of their hand with the message, “Place your hand here and we can pray together. God bless you!”

The brothers told me how they put together several shoeboxes for our church’s Operation Christmas Child mission project, going to the store and filling the boxes with gifts for underprivileged children who might not ever feel the generous love of God. The brothers, though, took the shoebox project a step further by inviting the recipient of their box to join them in prayer.

I stood there amazed, dumbfounded and deeply moved. I’ve been talking a lot about the power of prayer and our need to pray more. I’ve said it once, twice, thrice, prayer is the foundation on which anything we do for God needs to be built upon. And now, the youngest among us not only heard, they took action, inviting another child’s hand to “touch” theirs in prayer.

Rendered speechless by the thoughtful act of two boys, I stared at the inside of the lid and slowly placed my hand on top of the one drawn in blue marker.

My wondering as to where the Spirit of God was moving among us was right there in front of me. I had received my holy high five.

ShoeBoxes

 

 

A Heavy Yet Blessed Weight

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Eight years ago on November 11 I took my ordination vows at South Presbyterian Church in New Jersey. It was a day I learned how heavy yet blessed the weight of serving God is.

It was eight years ago today, November 11, in which I embarked on the craziest journey of my life. On a sunny afternoon in north New Jersey, in an 18th century church that now stood as an anomaly in a congested town that I am sure none of the old Dutch names gracing the weathered headstones in the church’s cemetery would even recognize as the place they once called home, I was ordained to the office of minister of word and sacrament in the Presbyterian Church USA.

It was a day with many emotions. Disbelief mixed with awe that was then mixed with tremendous gratitude that was then mixed with excitement for the next step to come that was then mixed with fear and trepidation for that very next step to come. Did I mention the emotions were many?

In just two short weeks I was moving to rural upstate New York to serve another 18th century church. This church, however, was not an anomaly for life in the small village had somehow escaped congestion. Some of the locals, though, would disagree with me for when I first visited their little village many shared with me their displeasure with the eyesore of the traffic light—their one and only traffic light—that winked red, green and yellow at you even when there was not a car in sight for miles. Mind you, the traffic light had already been there for a few years already. Yet the displeasure with it was as fresh as yesterday’s memories. I, though, couldn’t wait to call a place “home” where one traffic light was needed, well, not really needed….

Yes, in two short weeks. There were still many more boxes to pack and even more friends to say good-bye to. There was Thanksgiving dinner to share one more time in New Jersey at the home I grew up in. And there was my last sermon to preach for the congregation who nurtured me into ministry. Ordination day was here and the crazy journey was beginning.

My parents were there that November afternoon beaming with pride as brightly as the sun streaming into the sanctuary was. My brother was there as well in which I was grateful for as his disabled body made it hard for him to get out much. Often it was easier to let him stay home then to go through the ordeal of getting him out the door.

“Please God, let him be at my ordination,” was my prayer leading up to that afternoon, for my brother was the beating of my heart for ministry. He was the one who broke my heart opened to seeing the needs and feeling the pain of those labeled as “not normal” by a society in which I often question the normalcy of.

Ordination day was here and I remember the opening processional hymn soaring high up to heaven as the trumpeter joined the bellowing pipe organ. I remember my friend from seminary sitting next to me and I remember looking back at a packed sanctuary seeing a sea of faces that collectively told the story of my journey into ministry. Among those faces were the chapters yet to be written as members of the congregation of the one traffic light village up north were sitting in the old pews, beaming along with my parents.

The thing I remember the most, though, was the “laying on of hands,” the part of the service echoing back to the New Testament in which the laying on of hands was associated with the receiving of the Holy Spirit. And so the one being ordained kneels on the ground and is surrounded by those already ordained and then hand after hand upon shoulder after shoulder, weight bears down upon the one kneeling. I wasn’t prepared for that moment.

I, in my ignorance, just assumed that the hands would be light and gentle, a show of sorts, just symbolic, simply grazing each other’s shoulders so that the one kneeling would not be crushed. But crushed I was. Within in seconds, clergy who have already been on this crazy journey called ministry, engulfed me to the point where I couldn’t see anything but the bottom hems of clerical robes and a variety of shoes. (Ooo…nice heels. Note to self: Must ask that minister where she purchased those shoes.)

I soon lost interest in shoes as I noticed the hands upon me weren’t light or gentle. The hands upon me were pressing down hard. I felt as if my knees were going to fail me and I was losing my balance and feared I was going to fall over. For a second I wondered how in heaven’s name was I going to get up gracefully after all of this.

Soon, though, the shock of the burden upon me eased, and my worries about getting up off the floor faded. I bowed my head and let the tears of thankfulness fall down my cheeks as I listened to the prayer being said about serving faithfully, following wherever, trusting always, loving all…and then I heard what I needed to hear then just as I need to hear now.

Serving God is indeed a heavy weight to bear. It is burdensome. It can crush you. It can bear down upon you. But you do not serve God alone. The pressure of the hands upon me was my tangible reminder of that. Those very hands that put so much weight on me were the very hands that held me when I thought I would fall and it was those very hands that helped me up when I needed to get up. All of a sudden I understood the magnitude of what I was entering into. I understood what a heavy weight I was to carry and that I was not to carry it alone. There are always hands eager to help and support you. And because of those hands, the weight, no matter how heavy, becomes blessed.

Eight years ago today, on a sunny November afternoon in an 18th century church that now stood as an anomaly in a congested New Jersey neighborhood, I said “yes” to God’s invitation to never go it alone in this life no matter where in life one is going. We just aren’t meant to do that.

Do you feel a weight crushing down upon you? Does it feel as if a burden is just too much? Are you wondering how in heaven’s name can you get up from where you have fallen and get up gracefully? If so, may you see the hand that is reaching out to help ease the burden. More importantly, though, may you feel the strong yet loving pressure of the hand that is always upon you. May you feel God’s hand—THE hand that makes all heavy weights blessed indeed.

Becoming Birthday Party Kind of People

My husband and I are not birthday party kind of people. So when his birthday recently approached I was not surprised by his answers to my following questions:

Me: Do you want anything special for your birthday?

Him: No.

Me: Do you want to go out to eat?

Him: Sure, if you do.

Me: What kind of cake do you want?

Him: It doesn’t matter.

Me: Okay.

And so the day of his birthday came. It was a particularly busy day for me with an already full week of meetings and pastoral visits made more pressing by a funeral to officiate in just two days. As I went about my day, though, my husband’s birthday was still front and center in my mind. I just couldn’t get over this feeling that I wanted to do something special even if we weren’t birthday party kind of people.

Seeing the hours of the day slip by quickly I began realizing that even if I had an idea for his birthday there was no time in which to execute it.

A drive to the shopping mall to pick up a special gift was out of the question because the stores weren’t close by and the traffic to get to the stores would make the trip even longer and more frustrating.

So what was I to do? I was at a loss for ideas and had no more time to think as I was heading to the assisted living facility to visit a woman recovering from knee surgery.

As I made my way through the large gathering room to get to her room, I took notice of the residents sitting there in their wheelchairs, perhaps waiting for a scheduled visit from a loved one or perhaps just waiting for any visit from anyone.

I made it a point to look each one in their eyes and to smile and say “hello.” It is amazing the healing power a simple hello has when spoken to someone in need of a hello. Some smiled back at me; while others looked surprised that I was even noticing them. But notice I did. I noticed eyes clouded with memories of yesteryear. I noticed frail bodies and white hair. I noticed the passing of time right in front of me and I slowed my rushed steps and realized something. I realized I needed to become a birthday party kind of person because the passing of yet another year is something not to ignore. It is something to honor. It is something to recognize. It is something to be thankful for. Just then I remembered the poignant words of my high school friend who wrote on her blog many years ago, “Today I got to celebrate my 41st birthday and for that I am very thankful to God.” She never got to blow out 42 candles.

I looked around at the sea of wheelchairs all around me and wondered how many birthdays have come and gone without being celebrated? How many birthdays have I let come and go without any recognition? It was then I knew what to do for my husband’s birthday.

With little time to spare, I rushed over to the grocery store and picked up a cake and some candles. I then found a birthday card. After that, I ran to the dollar store next to the grocery store and grabbed a bag of blue balloons and the tackiest  “Happy Birthday” banner I could find.

I sped home so that I could put up the decorations and get the cake on the table. Now for the card…what to say? Hmmm….

All of sudden Sofie, our bumbling Bernese Mountain dog, hopped off the couch and with tail wagging happily stood at the door. I looked up and asked, “Where’s Daddy?” She began jumping back and forth with joy as my husband came through the door.

“Surprise!” I shouted as he looked at the balloons all around. He was indeed surprised. After a light meal of whatever we could find in the fridge, it was onto the cake. But before the cake he opened my card. Since I have always struggled with gift-giving ideas, I wrote in his card three birthday gifts for him: 1.) Dinner at a restaurant of his choice, 2.) A movie date with his choice of movie and, 3.) All of my love forever and ever.

And with the candles blown out and the cake cut, it was then my husband and I became birthday party kind of people. For another year is a gift from God and moments to pause and celebrate what we have should never be taken for granted.

This is indeed the day the Lord has made. Let us alway rejoice and be glad in it.

In a Country Church

There’s something special about country churches. I’m not talking about the idyllic charm of a little white clapboard structure with arched windows and a steeple peeking out from a wooded country lane or a stone chapel tucked away in a valley, complete with grazing cows or sheep as its neighbors.

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There’s no place like a country church as captured in the beauty of Grandma Moses’ painting, “Home in the Hills.”

The something special I have come to know about country churches goes beyond what one sees on the outside. The something special I am talking about is what one can find when finally stepping through an old battered door whose creakiness is actually its way of beginning to tell a story or two of years gone by. For once inside an old country church one will find love—and lots of it.

I never thought I would serve such a church, but one summer a friend from seminary was serving as a pastor in a very remote area in Maine. She was serving there to fulfill the hands-on training required for graduation and ordination. Admittedly, I was a bit surprised when I heard of her decision to spend two months in such a rustic setting. My friend hailed from a more genteel lifestyle. Her middle name was not your typical “Ann,” “Lynn” or “Marie.” Her middle name was an old family name, making her complete name, when spoken out loud, quite impressive indeed.

“You’re going where?” I remember asking at lunch one day towards the end of our spring semester.

“I know. It’s crazy,” she replied.

“It just doesn’t seem to be something you would want to do,” I said.

“I know,” she agreed, adding with smile, “That’s why I am doing it.” And so she packed up and drove the 10-plus hours it took to get to her new home away from home.

I didn’t hear from her too often that summer, as there was no cell phone reception out in the woods. Her calls would come only when she had to make a trip back into civilization, in her case; civilization was the Wal-Mart parking lot, the only place where her phone would work. As she sat in her car chatting she would fill me on all the adventures of life in a country church. She would tell me about the snakes that slithered about on the stone pathway to the house in which she was living in the basement apartment and how she hated making that walk to and fro. She worried if the snakes would get into her apartment. She talked about the black flies that were everywhere. She shared with me the stress of serving two churches that weren’t very close in distance and how she struggled with maintaining a healthy calorie intake when having to be at two coffee hours in one morning. Coffee hours whose tables were overflowing with the most scrumptious, homemade blueberry cobbler, blueberry pie, blueberry muffins, blueberry ice cream—this was Maine, after all. She would share the few highs and the many lows and go into detail on the rare ups and the all too common downs. And so when I asked whether or not she liked it there, she surprised me with her answer.

“Believe it or not. I do like it here. In fact, I think I love it. I know. Weird, huh? The thing is these country churches need pastors too. They need someone to lead them and to love them. It’s a shame so few people want to serve them.”

All of a sudden she got very quiet, so quiet that for a second I thought maybe her Wal-Mart cell phone connection failed.

“Are you still there?” I asked, trying hard to refrain from jokingly asking the question made famous by one phone carrier a few years back, “Can you hear me now?”

“I’m still here,” she said.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Well, while I plan on going to graduate school after seminary and see myself more in a professor role rather than pastor, I just can’t help but to feel sad to leave here. These churches need pastors too,” she said.

I nodded my head, but she couldn’t hear my nod of agreement, so she continued.

“The thing is, it’s not just about these churches needing pastors. Donna, there’s so much love in these churches. There is this sense of belonging. There is this sense of family. There is still this way of life that says community is everything.”

I was moved by her words, but I was taken aback by her comments that all I could think of saying when getting off the phone with her was a joke. So instead of telling her how powerful and moving it was to hear how God was using her, I said, “Keep up the good work and watch out for those snakes.”

Her words, though, stayed with me, so much so that when a call came a year later from a country church looking for a pastor, I took it. And when the chairwoman of the pastor nominating committee explained how hard of a time they were having finding someone to come to serve their church, I understood what she was telling me. But before the conversation could go any further, the chairwoman had to ask me a question. She wanted to know if I was interested in serving a country church because I didn’t circle that option on the ministry profile I had to fill out. Suburb, college town, small city…they were all circled. Rural wasn’t.

“Oh, hmmm…that…well, I am not sure why I didn’t circle that option. I guess it really doesn’t matter, though, does it? Because God knows where we should all be, right? So I would love to continue this conversation,” I said.

In a few months I was packing my boxes up and getting ready to hit the road out of crazy, congested New Jersey for the country roads of upstate New York where a white steeple church dotting the pastoral hills and valleys of a farming community was waiting for me.

The church was a beautiful sight indeed. From one part of the village, on top of a hill, one could see the 18th century structure. It looked as if Grandma Moses painted it there herself. What was even more beautiful, though, were the stories the old battered doors would tell me every time I entered into the sanctuary. There were the stories of love gone by and the promises of love to come. Yet the greatest story was the one being played out in the present. The story of love that wasn’t this unrealistic we all get along kind of love, but rather the story of real love that meant even when the ties that bind us are put to the test or are strained or even fractured, love still reigns and keeps everything together.

It is in a country church where love is offered up to friend, stranger and even foe. It is in a country church where the struggles are great but the joy in those struggles is even greater. It is in a country church one will come to find something the rest of the world is forgetting—community is everything.

Yes, country churches are in need of pastors but what I have discovered is today’s pastors are the ones who are in need of country churches.

Life’s Mazes

The kids from the church youth group were really excited about the corn maze. Me. Not so much. It’s not that the maze was so big and so daunting that it came with a “help if lost” number to call on your cell phone. Those mazes do exist. I’ve heard about them.

The maze we were about to enter was the perfect size. Not too big to get really lost in and not too small in which you miss out on the heart racing challenge of finding your way out.

While a manageable size, I still had a bit of trepidation when I stepped in. Maybe it was my childhood memories of our Saturday drives out of our congested New Jersey neighborhood and into the country to go hiking in which we would pass cornfields and my mother would remark how easy it was for little children to get lost in the endless rows of stalks. I would stare out the window trying to figure out how for that not to happen. I couldn’t. It did seem once you were in the cornfield there would be no way out.

Perhaps, though, my trepidation was due to the fact the sun was quickly setting and darkness was settling in.

“Um, kids!” I shouted as they ran into the maze. “Do you think we have enough time to do this before it gets dark?”

“Sure we do, Pastor Donna!” they laughed. And with that not so blessed assurance, into the maze I went.

I have to admit at first it was kind of fun. The earthy, moldy smell of wet cornstalks in the crisp air of an autumn evening was definitely an improvement from the pungent smell that often came blowing in from the fields freshly sprayed with manure. The rustling of the stalks created an eerie symphony every time the wind blew and the muddy ground squishing below reconnected me to my inner child who used to love playing in the dirt and mud.

“Wait for me!” I yelled to the girls who ran on ahead. While I was beginning to have fun, I definitely didn’t want to do this maze on my own.

A few minutes turned into a few more minutes which then turned into a few more minutes which soon became more than a half hour. In one really sharp turn that was particularly muddy and slippery, I lost sight of the two girls who were my help—and salvation. (Okay. A bit dramatic but my sense of dread was growing.)

I stood by myself and noticed it was awfully quiet. The distant laughter of other kids and the murmuring of families figuring out which way to go, were no more. Was I the only one left in the maze?

The sun only had a bit more life left before turning in for the night. My heart then began to race as I realized something horrible. I had left my cell phone at home! There was nowhere to turn for help. I could start screaming but decided perhaps that was a bit too premature. Save the screaming for later when I really needed to scream for help.

I stood there with this sense of fear and lost-ness overtaking me. I forced myself to start walking, to try to figure out what path I should take, which turn to turn, which loop to loop around and which dead end to avoid.

As I walked I heard myself whispering, “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He leads me…” He leads me. I smiled. Yes, the Lord does indeed lead me. He always has. All of a sudden this maze seemed familiar.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. Psalm 32:8

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. Psalm 32:8

How many times in life have I been stuck in a maze before? Not knowing the way ahead? Fearing the darkening skies? Wondering was there a clearing of some sorts? A clearing with an answer or finally a fulfillment to a long-awaited dream?

Yes, I’ve been in a maze like this before. That is, the maze known as life. And with every twist and turn in life I’ve always made a way forward with great trust in the One who was leading. Now that trust wasn’t always there. It was something I had to learn. It was something I had to experience.

It was the end of the fall semester in my first year at New York City’s Fashion Institute of Technology where I was studying to fulfill my dream of becoming a magazine editor. There on the job board was posted a part-time position at a well-known parenting magazine that would start during the winter break. The time fit perfectly into my schedule and the money was wonderful. I was so excited. If I could only get my foot into the door of a magazine…

The interview was scheduled late in the afternoon, which meant I had to hang around school later than I had wanted to. Again, it was my first semester and I was a commuter student, meaning for the first time in my life I was navigating trains and subways and the crazy and still-scary streets of a menacing maze known as the island of Manhattan.

I knew how to get from the subway stop to the school and back to the subway, which then led to the train, which then led to my home. But to stray off that path onto unknown avenues filled me with apprehension.

I did my best to relax and calm down. I tried to pray but my heart was filled with too many mixed emotions to really concentrate on what I was trying to say to God. I was excited about the prospect of the job while scared about getting lost in the big city’s maze. I reached into my book bag in an effort to try to distract myself with some light reading on the in’s and out’s of media buying. (A class I really didn’t like for numbers didn’t excite me as much as words did.)

As I reached for the textbook, my hand grabbed hold of something else. It was one of those pocket-sized Bibles that I had taken from a group who was standing on the corner of school one day handing them out. I flipped the tiny pages open. There staring back at me were the most beautiful words I had ever read. Even though my prayer to God was to me a failed attempt, God still heard what I was trying to say. God still heard my request to show me the way to go—not just directions to the magazine offices that night, but also the directions to the next step in my life. As I read the words a quiet strength and calm washed over me.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. Psalm 32:8

That night I entered into Manhattan’s crazy maze with confidence in the One who was leading me. It was only the beginning of a journey of being beautifully led—always.

“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He leads me…”

All of a sudden, in the last hurrah of the sun’s light, I saw the shadowy outline of the girls right in front of me, running and laughing and squealing with delight among the cornstalks, not phased at all by the fact that night was here and we were all still seemingly lost in the maze.

“Don’t worry, Pastor Donna! We’ll find the way!” they yelled with confidence.

In the slippery mud, amidst the earthy, moldy smell of wet cornstalks, I ran to catch up with the girls. And I ran without any fear and without any worries.

For the way will be found in all of life’s mazes. Just run with joy. Move forward with a calm strength and peace. Enjoy the twists and turns and endless loops and even the dead ends. For when you trust with all your heart in the One leading you, you know the beautiful truth. We are never lost when we walk with God.

Prayer Pumpkins

I wonder how old the little boy is now? Let’s see. It’s been seven years since we started Pumpkinfest for God, which would mean…(counting the years on my fingers)…which would mean, yikes, it can’t be. He must be in high school now.

The years have gone by but much to my surprise and joy there in the yard of a once little boy was a huge selection of pumpkins, organized neatly by size, sitting in various corners of the yard. I have come to look forward to seeing this festive fall display on the winding country road that led one out of New York state and into Vermont and vice versa. The sight of all these homegrown pumpkins by one little boy was for me the official kick off to fall. I felt the same childlike excitement as I felt with Santa’s arrival at the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, which when I was a child ushered in the official start of Christmas. We all know nowadays Christmas comes way before the fall pumpkins. Don’t even get me going with whatever happened to Thanksgiving.

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Pumpkins shine forth an inspirational message on All Hallows Eve as a little rural church’s witnesses to the hundreds of trick or treaters.

Should I stop? I really don’t need any pumpkins for I was no longer the pastor of the little white church in which hosted Pumpkinfest for God.

Ah…Pumpkinfest for God. That was one of the many ideas that came to me on my habitual morning run on the treadmill at the gym. It was early on my ministry and the little rural village had the tradition of welcoming hundreds of trick-or-treaters. From the ghoulish to the cutest, children of all ages from surrounding villages came to Salem (not Massachusetts, but New York was the village I served in) for there was the guarantee of plenty of candy to be collected. The first year I was there we did what every other house or business did. We set up a table and made sure we had plenty of candy. The following year, though, I wanted to do more. I wanted our church to have more of a presence. I wanted us in some way to reach all these children—there were indeed hundreds—with some word of hope, some message of the good news, some non-threatening and definitely not in your face message that God is good all the time and Christ’s love is there for all.

There was a church down the block from us serving up hot dogs. That was their tradition. It was a good one for God does indeed feed not just the body but the soul as well. Then there was this trying-to-start-up-non-denominational church up the road who was against Halloween, but used this night in which hundreds of children descended upon the village to hand out religious tracts asking if they knew they were saved. With free hot dogs on one side of our church and religious tracts on the other, how could we be a light of Christ on All Hallows Eve?

Light. Pumpkins. Ever since I was a little girl I have adored jack o’lanterns. I looked forward to the day my parents took us kids pumpkin picking. And when Halloween drew near, we would line the kitchen table with newspaper and have a family pumpkin-carving party, which would end with a mess in the kitchen and all of us standing in the crisp night air admiring our lit creations.

What if we, the church, carved an inspirational message in the pumpkins, lined them up in front of our old historic building, right by the table in which we offered candy, and lit them up for all to see?

Pumpkinfest for God was born! The first year we posted the inspirational message on the bulletin board, one letter on one piece of construction paper, and asked folks to take one letter and carve it into a medium to large pumpkin and bring it back with a candle in it before dusk on the night of the festivities. Strong winds, however, blew that night and candles were being snuffed out. Fretting over this failure only lasted a second as a farmer quickly came to the rescue and showed up with a drill in one hand and white Christmas lights in the other.

Soon the Christmas lights were fed through the pumpkins and, thanks to a very long extension cord, the message illumined the darkening night.

The response was amazing as little children were drawn to the pumpkins. Those who couldn’t read would ask, “Mommy, what does that say?” Moms, who were surprised as to what they were seeing, leaned down to their child and told the good news, “Jesus lights the way.”

Soon Pumpkinfest for God became our church’s beloved tradition with every year a different message being lit up. One year, volunteers bought the pumpkins. Another year a local farm allowed us to glean the pumpkins from their fields. And yet another year, I stopped at this little boy’s home where the festive fall display had always caught my eye.

It was the year I challenged the church to stop thinking in terms of what can we get free from the community. Instead, to start thinking how the church can help local business owners who daily faced the heroic struggle of doing business in an area in which it seemed almost impossible.

So there I was ready to load up my car with 20 pumpkins and then some. Pumpkin by pumpkin I hoisted into the back of my Subaru, and as each was hoisted I lifted a prayer. I prayed for this little boy who grew these pumpkins year after year. I prayed for his family. I prayed for the youth group who was in charge of coming up with the inspirational message and the carving of the pumpkins that year. I prayed for the children who would be coming into our village. I prayed that in some way this message would indeed be the light for someone walking in darkness. I prayed for the little village I served asking God to bless it. Pumpkin by pumpkin a prayer was lifted.

I was ready to go. There was a problem though. No one was home and pumpkin purchases were made on the honor system. A little boy’s chicken scratched note read, “Leave the money in the metal box. Thank you.” The metal box had no lock on it, no slit in which to place the money securely into it. Nothing. I stood there with a crisp $100 bill, way more than what the total came to for the prices of these pumpkins were the best around. I hesitated leaving the money, but I couldn’t wait around. I looked at my watch and knew that soon the little boy would be home from school. So I took the chance. In went the $100 bill among the ones and fives and quarters that were already there. I smiled as I wondered what this little boy’s reaction would be when he saw that much money in his metal box.

It was then I prayed one more pumpkin prayer. It was a prayer of thanks that God had opened the hearts of our congregation to bless this little boy with such a generous gift of gratitude for the work he had done growing pumpkins. I thanked God for providing our church, which faced the same daily struggles as the businesses in the village faced, with means in which to do this wonderful act of generosity. I prayed a pumpkin prayer that day simply thanking God for the beauty of being connected to one another and the joy there is when we realize that connection and we help one another out.

One, two, three…yep, seven years have gone by since Pumpkinfest for God started. The little boy isn’t little anymore, but he is still growing the best pumpkins around. I looked at my watch. He is still in school. I slowed the car down. Should I stop?

I did. Pumpkin prayers were lifted once again. And a little boy who is not so little anymore had yet another surprise waiting for him in his now rusted metal box.

Columbus Day Nostalgia

I woke up feeling nostalgic about Columbus Day. Yes, of all days, Columbus Day, that peculiar holiday (I use the term “holiday” loosely) in which growing up sometimes we kids would have off from school and sometimes we wouldn’t. Sometimes my father would have off from work and sometimes he wouldn’t.

Time off for this day was never consistent and the lack of consistency only added to the ambiguity of what this day meant and how it was to be observed. The only sure thing was that banks and post offices were closed for a day that nowadays is also fraught with questions of political correctness. Columbus wasn’t the first to stumble upon America and what about the indigenous people stumbled upon?

I wonder. Do school children even make paper plate boats representing the three that were part of Columbus’ expedition? Let’s see, there was the Santa Maria and the Nina…what was the name of the third boat?

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A view from the porch of the new “old” house where I often drank in God’s beauty every morning.

I woke up this Columbus Day with nostalgia almost on par with that of Christmas. But I wasn’t reminiscing about paper plate boats. My mind tripped five years down memory lane to the crisp autumn morning when much to my surprise I heard the rumbling of a pick up truck coming up the dirt road that led to the house I was living in at the time. It was a colonial reproduction that I wasn’t too happy about all because the floor boards weren’t slanting with age, there were no gaps in the door and the wind couldn’t whistle through the airtight new windows. I had made a mistake in buying this new “old” house for it just didn’t have the charm of old-house problems.

Anyway, that Columbus Day I was out on the porch watching the early morning frost melt off of the tall grass in the field that was just behind the stonewall which separated the properties. I often came outside to drink my coffee but on this particular morning I was taking in something way better than caffeine. I realized I was consuming God’s beauty and I couldn’t get enough of the morning frost, the tall grass, the maple tree in the yard that was on fire with color…and now a surprise day off with my not-yet-husband who jumped out of the pick up truck announcing a very special day in store for me. We were going to look at engagement rings!

I stood on the porch feeling like a little girl on Christmas for I had given up on such a day as this. Too much heartache and too many losses had finally led me to surrender my hopes and dreams to God. In fact, just weeks before this man now standing before me came into my life I had a heart-to-heart talk with God. I realized I was really happy with my life in this rural community and that there was nothing more I wanted than to serve God as a minister. I actually had the audacity to tell God it was okay if He didn’t send me that partner in life I had been lamenting for nine years, to be exact, since the loss of my boyfriend in a jeep accident that began my journey in faith I was now on. As if God needed to be told it was okay.

I was driving home from church when I was having this talk with God. The sun was setting over the fields, casting a warm glow over the cows that were munching away on the grass. In the background was a tree line displaying the most beautiful colors of fall that I have never seen before. The trees looked almost heavenly. That’s when I started crying for the joy I was seeking in my life never left me. Joy was still alive and well in my heart. I realized that night there was no better medicine for the brokenness in life than that of God’s handiwork as seen in nature. For how could my heart be downcast when always surrounded such beauty?

God, I discovered on that isolated country road to seemingly nowhere, is always taking us somewhere. We just need to look beyond ourselves and beyond whatever circumstances in life holds us down. We need to keep our eyes focused on the goodness of God that is always right in front of us just waiting for us to finally recognize it—waiting for us to finally say to all that we have, even when it doesn’t seem enough or not what we had planned out for ourselves, “Thank you, God.”

I was definitely saying, “Thank you, God,” that Columbus Day five years ago as I jumped off the porch of a house complete with stonewalls, fields sparkling with melting morning dew and trees singing the praises of God, and into the arms of a man who wanted to spend his life with me—an accidental country pastor who had had her heart broken one too many times. And in the brilliance of a picture perfect New England fall day I saw something even more brilliant. I saw God resurrecting a prayer long thought to be dead. In the crunching of the leaves, we walked hand-in-hand to the pick up truck and down the dirt road we went. It was the best Columbus Day ever.

Peeling Paint

Should I or shouldn’t I? I mean, really, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I climbed this rickety ladder? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked that question because my mind suddenly started to answer with many a scary scenario.

I could fall. I could seriously hurt myself in the fall. I wouldn’t be able to call for help, as there was no cell signal in this part of Vermont in which our little red house sat sweetly in a valley surrounded by fields and views of the Green Mountains. I would be alone and hurt with no help coming anytime soon as my husband had not yet joined me for our visit to our little homestead. I would be left there on the grass risking the chance of a garter snake slithering upon me.

Eeek. Garter snakes. I don’t like them. My mom and dad recently reported that on one of their visits to our little red house they saw a “huge” one slithering underneath the apple tree. Of course, the snake grew larger as their story continued. Still, I wouldn’t want to risk meeting said snake no matter how small or large it was.

Maybe I would be okay if I climbed this ladder. There was, after all, my bumbling Bernese Mountain dog, Sofie. But as I looked over at her hugging the side of the fence as a sudden wind had picked up and frightened her, I realized she was no Lassie. I was on my own. And so I asked myself again, “Should I or shouldn’t I?”

What’s the worst thing that could happen if I decided to climb this rickety ladder I had just wrangled out of the damp, stone cellar, and set before me on the uneven ground below me, all because I couldn’t live one more minute with what my husband could live with forever?

I just couldn’t live with the strips of paint peeling from the beaten-up-by-too-many-harsh-winters clapboards that sided our home. Something had to be done.

I grabbed hold of the ladder with one hand and hesitantly put my foot onto the first rung. My heart started thumping harder. Up onto the next rung my foot went. Then the next and then the…wait, I had forgotten something. I had forgotten the can of paint and paintbrush. Back down I went and grabbed the necessary items needed for painting, wondering all the while how was I to hold on to dear life…and the ladder…and the paint can and the brush?

As one who loves to take on the challenge of a “can’t be done” project, I fought my fears and went back up the ladder, balancing each step I took with the can and brush in one hand while the other hand grabbed the next rung.

I finally came to the first patch of peeling paint and leaned over to scrape it off. As I leaned I made the mistake of looking down. Our little house didn’t look that tall but from where I was, “down” looked like a very long way to go. Sweat came dripping down my forehead as I whispered: “Hold it together.” “Breathe.” “Don’t think about it.” “I can do this.” I scraped quickly and then threw the paint over the bare spot. My sense of accomplishment was short lived for I realized while one piece of peeling paint was dealt with, there were many more taunting me further up the house.

It was then I had to ask myself the very question my husband asked while trying to persuade me to leave the ladder where he had put it—in the cellar.

Why does the peeling paint bother me so much?

Peeling paint exposes more than weathered clapboards; a lesson of the heart is revealed as well.

Peeling paint exposes more than weathered clapboards; a lesson of the heart is revealed as well.

The most obvious answer was simply because peeling paint was an eyesore and made the house look shabby. What would those passing by think? To which my husband would reply, “No one cares.”

But there was more going on than just what would the neighbors think. In some way the peeling paint was symbolic of everything I was taught you had to fix or cover up in life. Now my parents, who had more of my husband’s “no cares” attitude, didn’t teach me this.

This need to be perfect or have your act together or at least appear to have your act together was instilled in me during my days as an aspiring Manhattan magazine editor. It was there in the city in which Sinatra sang, “if you can make it there, you’ll make it anywhere,” I saw firsthand how life’s disappointments, hurts, flaws, and even painful scars, were all too easily—and expected to be—painted over with whatever paint you could find. Lonely? Paint over it by working longer and harder. Heartbroken? Paint over it by rushing into a new relationship quickly. Don’t give the brokenness anytime to heal. Dissatisfied with yourself? Paint on a new persona, workout more, buy new clothes, and get a makeover. Do whatever you can to cover up the peeling parts of your life because you don’t want the world to see the weather-beaten clapboards that are hidden underneath in your heart. For it is more than just an eyesore. It is a reminder of our own finitude and vulnerability. And no one wants to be reminded of that. So let there be no peeling paint in life—ever.

Yet here I was with peeling paint and a husband who just didn’t seem bothered by it at all.

His “no one cares” attitude was strengthened by his other observation. “Everyone around here lives with peeling paint,” he said. And they do.

I remember when I first came up north to “God’s Country” as the locals called it, I noticed many a house, many a barn—and even the picturesque white clapboard church I was to pastor—telling the story of how they had withstood yet another season of howling winds, pelting rain and falling snow. I was told with a shrug of the shoulders, “That’s just life around here. Paint will peel. Nothing much you can do about it except live with it.”

There wasn’t an urgent need to cover up what tough seasons had scarred, be it the tough seasons of Mother Nature herself or the tough seasons that barrel down on us in our life—illness, fractured relationships, financial worries, death.

If anything, the peeling paint on display all around me in so many ways provided the space to face finitude and vulnerability without dread or fear or the feeling of failure or hopelessness. The peeling paint was in fact a shared communal experience no one judged, but rather, was understood by all. It was simply a part of life not to be covered up. It was a part of life to accept, embrace and learn to live with. And the learning to live with? Well, that’s when an eyesore miraculously becomes something beautiful and amidst the newly discovered beauty before you is where healing begins.

As I stared at the marred side of my Vermont homestead, I saw the beauty before me and in that beauty I realized something. It was here in a place where paint peels freely, the weathered clapboards of my own heart were accepted and welcomed and loved by a community which knew the truth so many of us try to deny. In life, paint will indeed peel. There really is no need to rush and cover it up.

Farm is Now in Session

It was an idea discussed only in hushed whispers for many years. Students with farming backgrounds would come to the hallowed halls of seminary and make an important connection between farming and theology, and they would ask the question.

What if theological education could be combined with farming?

What if future pastors, many hailing from suburban and urban metropolises, actually had the opportunity to get their hands into the very dirt in which they talk about when the ashes are smudged onto one’s forehead and they say, “From dust you come, to dust you shall return.”

What if seminary could be a farminary? Farminary, an outdoor classroom where everything Jesus spoke of—the seeds, the weeds, the wheat, the grain that must die in order to produce life—became more than just words on a page, but became powerful, tactile lessons of God’s love for all of creation.

Students with farming in their blood would come to the hallowed halls of seminary—and they would go, leaving behind the ghosts of conversations hoping to be resurrected one day. The day of resurrection has come.

I stood on the soil of the soon-to-be-full-fledged hoop house on what it is now Princeton Theological’s Farminary, and smiled. For as I looked at the last of the peppers, the late in the season green beans and the strips of land being primed with compost in anticipation of the next growing season, it all made sense to me for it is in a garden, working the soil, planting a seed, dealing with grubs that stole my crops one year (a row of beets, broccoli and acorn squash), that I have felt so close to God. For the garden has been the place for me where life’s challenges, life’s failures, life’s defeats mingled with those seemingly fleeting moments of miracles, hope and, surprisingly at times, abundant blessings. It is in the garden where I have felt it the most. I have felt God’s hand on my shoulder. It is while tilling the soil and being part of God’s creation where I have learned to trust God’s provision—even when the harvest flops.

Now I am no farmer. I am a North Jersey girl who only knows how suburban sprawl grows. I have the reputation of being able to kill even the easiest plant to grow.

I am a North Jersey girl who shocked her colleagues when I said “yes” to serving a church in rural Upstate New York right on the border of Vermont all because I felt so strongly that there were lessons of life and faith waiting for me there. And there were many lessons of life and faith that I will forever treasure.

I am no farmer but I have attempted to “live off the land” but the soil on my Vermont homestead proved too rocky and too in need of the right nutrients that a novice like me had no idea how to remedy. My husband wasn’t surprise, and seemed almost relieved, when after two seasons of failed farming I announced, “I think I am just going to let the grass grow over that plot of land.” Of course, he cringed when I added, “Maybe you can break a new plot for me next spring over on the other side of our land?”

Friends who know me well look quizzically at me when I talk passionately about the lessons we can learn from farming and my desire to do so.

“Um, Donna, you know you can’t take your cute Kate Spade handbags out into the fields with you?” asked one friend who seemed as equally perplexed as she was concerned.

No, I am no farmer. I am the daughter of a woman who has harbored the same dreams of farming. And I am the daughter man who grew up on a farm in Switzerland. My dad, thought, left that life to become an engineer. Still I wonder if the Swiss farming DNA is in me, for I have always been a pioneer girl at heart, dreaming of having a farm, well, maybe not a full-blown farm, but at least having a successful kitchen garden complete with herbs both culinary and medicinal…someday…

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The emerging hoop house where the first classes at Princeton’s Farminary were held this past spring.

For now, I am excited to see my alma mater has come on board with what those who have grown up on a farm know or those like me, who have served a farming community, know. There is much to learn about God while getting your hands dirty and while breaking your back tilling the ground. There is much to learn about God when witnessing firsthand the seasons of death and rebirth. There is a consoling hug to be felt when seeing your plants fall victim to an early frost. God knows and God cares. There is a gentle hand to wipe the tears of frustration when deer trample your corn. God knows and God cares. There is the resolve not to give up being strengthened when sharing these challenges and defeats in community with others. God knows and God cares.

What makes all of this so worthwhile? The feast that always comes—be it in times of plenty or times of want. For it is a feast of miracles and blessings from the soil to be shared with one another, brought forth and harvested through hard labor and trusting hearts. It is a feast spread before us that teaches us the most precious of all lessons. God cares for us deeply and so we, too, must care deeply and tend lovingly to the soil, to the seeds, to the worms, to the water, to one another.

School, um, I mean, farm is now in session at Princeton Theological Seminary. And for that I say, “Thanks be to God!”

Here’s more of the Farminary story! 

Chickens in My Office

It was my own fault. I mentioned in passing at a church gathering my desire to have chickens one day. I was after all living in God’s country, as the locals called it, and the endless fields and pastures all around awakened my inner country girl, inspiring me to get down and dirty with the land that was now becoming my home as well.

Yes, chickens would be fun, I thought. I do recall mentioning my desire for a goat or two as well, but luckily all that made its way into the back of my car one early summer morning were six chirping chicks placed lovingly into a cardboard box waiting for me, their new mom, to take them home.

There was, though, a slight problem. I didn’t have a home for them. I didn’t have the chance yet to build a coop nor did I have time to buy one, as this gift of chickens was indeed a surprise. There was no barn or shed or garage on my property either in which to settle these chicks into. It was then I understood my father’s insistence with each house I looked at to buy that it should have at least a garage. Oh well, nothing I can do now but to make the best with what I have. And so out came the box from the car and into the house the chicks went.

Once inside I moved as quickly as I could so the curious eyes of my two rambunctious kittens wouldn’t see the box. There was nothing I could do, however, to prevent their pink little noses from sniffing the air. They sniffed excitedly and as they sniffed the silent dinner bell rang in their brains. Chicken! Yum! I knew I had to get the chicks into a safe place—and quickly. With the big box in my arms, I stood there thinking. The basement was out of the question for the kittens loved exploring down there. They also loved running and playing all throughout the first floor rooms. The bedroom was out of the question for I just couldn’t bring myself to having chickens where I slept. (And yet I was bringing them into my home!)

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The two playful kittens in which the baby chicks had to be hidden from.

Ah. The tiny bedroom upstairs that was now my makeshift office would work perfectly for the chicks. So up the stairs I ran, slamming the door behind me. I placed the box down on the floor and looked at these fuzzy balls of cuteness looking back at me. An overwhelming sense of responsibility washed over me. Their little lives were in my care. They cocked their heads to one side looking just as quizzically at me as I was looking at them. I wondered. Did they sense I had no idea what I was doing? Was fear gripping them just as much as it was gripping me? I had entered the uncharted territory of “farming” and I was clueless as to what to do next.

“Just wait till I tell my parents about this,” I thought as I placed a window screen over the cardboard box and strung a heat lamp overhead to keep the chicks cozy. I then ran to the feed store and got my new children some dinner and a water feeder.

It didn’t take long for everyone to settle down and settle in. I even invited the children of the church to name the chickens and each Sunday on the poster board with the title “Name Pastor Donna’s Chickens” names such as Barbeque, Abigail, Drumstick, Fuzzy and Spot (yes, Spot) appeared.

The fuzzy chicks the children from church named.

The fuzzy chicks the children from church named.

Weeks went by as I waited for the chicken coop to be delivered. Turns out I was part of a chicken farming trend and so there was a shortage of coops. But I didn’t mind. I found myself enjoying having chickens in my office. When I played the great old hymns of the church that were on my iPhone, they would gather together and move to the music. On days I would write my sermon, the chicks would stop what they were doing and sit quietly in their box as if to honor the silence needed for the creative juices to flow. And when I stopped the clicking of the computer keys, the chicks would begin chirping as if they were in some way trying to tell me what my next sentence should be.

Then it happened. The powerful God moment I never expected. One afternoon as the sun streamed into my little makeshift office now turned bedroom for the chicks, I opened the Bible to begin studying the scripture for Sunday’s sermon. For some reason my eyes didn’t gravitate to the assigned reading. Rather my eyes went straight to the creation story. I never was a huge fan of Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. Don’t misunderstand. God’s creation story is beautiful. It’s just that it never really captured my imagination nor was it ever a story that resonated with me. It was, for me, one of those over told stories we love sharing with children and that was it. But this day as my chicks gathered to the corner of the box trying to get closer to where I was, something happened.

The Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it…now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. God brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.

I reread the Genesis account again…and again…and again. It was then the responsibility I felt for caring for the chickens and making them safe in my office till the coop arrived, went beyond just simply making sure the chicks survived the eagerly waiting grips of my kittens. The care of these chickens was symbolizing a greater care that I never truly understood before—the care of all of God’s creatures. Sure I had pets to take care of while I was growing up. But this was different. There in my office was a cardboard box holding vulnerable chicks. There in my office was God’s word being lived out. I was having an Adam moment for I felt this humble awe that I was given such responsibility without even first having knowledge of what to do. Someone trusted me with these chicks. Someone knew I could do it. I could care for them. God trusted Adam as well with the care of creation. God knew Adam could do it. Of course we know about the snafu with the serpent and the apple in the Garden of Eden that was to come, but let us not lose sight of the beautiful friendship and partnership God initially called us into. It is the same friendship and partnership with God is always calling us into for God knows we can indeed be responsible, loving parents to all creatures here below. And yet how many times do we even give a chicken…a rabbit…a snake…a worm…any living creature…any thought or care?

I looked at the chickens now looking at me. They were no longer looking at me in the same quizzical way I once looked at them. Instead, we were both looking at one another with awe, with love and with the knowledge of being connected to one another in a way we will never completely understand.

The time soon came for the chickens to leave my office, which was a good thing I guess as I soon discovered baby chicks emit a dust-like dander when they begin getting their feathers. When I mentioned this strange “dust” in my office at home and innocently wondered out loud if it might be coming from my chickens, I was quickly informed by a loving congregant, “What?! You can’t have chickens in your office!”

Oh, but I can. And I did. And by doing so I experienced an Adam moment that will forever be with me. I experienced caring for God’s creation in the most unheard way ever.

I had chickens in my office.